Jazzy so to speak

I'm currently reading a book entitled "blue like Jazz" If you haven't heard of it, it is a non religious view of Christianity. I was intrigued when I first started reading it, but now I'm hooked. Why am I hooked on someone who may or may not believe the same things I do but sits down to explore and write about the topic anyway? Because the thoughts running through the author's head mimic my thoughts.

It's one of those revelations you get in high school when you finally find the courage to say something you think or feel and are scared stiff that no one will like you or understand. Then suddenly as if a portal opens and truth is revealed you find out that almost everybody in the room thinks or feels the same way you do. It is amazing! If you want to put a word to it.

Why are we so afraid of what others are going to think? We are all human. We were created to have opinions, ideas, and original thoughts. Just because your thoughts are not the same as mine does not mean that your opinion is any less than mine. However when we speak our minds we must not just ramble as if the words are worthless. The author, Donald Miller, writes about a C.S. Lewis poem he's read. A line in the poem reads "I talk of love-a scholar's parrot may talk Greek"

It took me a second to realize why this poem would be in the book but Miller continues to explain in his words, "I sat there above the city wondering if I was like the parrot in Lewis's poem, swinging in my cage, reciting Homer, and all the wile having no idea what I was saying. I talk about love, forgiveness, social justice; I rage against American materialism in the name of altruism, but have I even controlled my own heart? He continues on, his point being that he is protesting selfish behavior yet he is very selfish himself.

It's amazing how our views can be so right yet our actions following those views can turn dangerously toward evil/wrong.

This weekend I felt weak inside. I felt as if my world was on the edge about to fall once again. I kept waiting for the gavel to fall yet it didn't. God is healing my wounds, but I'm so wounded that the healing is taking too long. With each wound that heals another one forms. It's as if I don't have enough "skin" to cover all the cuts. Where is God's skin graph machine? I need to heal. right now the raw wounds are killing me.

God hug me! Please! just hug me once and I know I can make it through another day.